Alone Time.

I have always been social. Even as a teenager, when my terrible skin destroyed my self-confidence, I had huge, deep, transformative friendships. In fact, when my skin got bad, I just got louder – in an effort to direct the attention from my face – and my friendships became more important to me.

I have never had a time in my life when I had no one. I suppose that makes me very lucky. I have always had people I loved around me. Until now.

Now, I have no one. Or rather, I have them – they are just eight hours behind me and more than 5,000 miles away.

In the panic and singular focus I experienced in the months leading up to this move, this loneliness and isolation is something I didn’t consider. I was so excited and had so much to look forward to and so much left to finish before I left that it never occurred to me that once I got here, I’d be without a support system for the first time in my life.

Having never left home in any real sense – college for me was 40 miles from my parents’ house – I have never had to rebuild a life from the ground up. And unfortunately, I’m not in school and I have a particularly solitary job, so I’m not meeting people the way most people do when they move across the world.

So, what’s the hardest part of moving to a new place, after having the hardest six months of my life?

Not having anyone to call on for last minute dinner plans or coffee on Saturday or moral support when something annoying or hilarious or wonderful happens.

I miss having people.

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9 thoughts on “Alone Time.

    • I’m trying! All the clubs I’ve joined are full of older people or people who commute into town just for the meetings. That’s not to say they’re not great – they’re just not great best buds.

  1. Ille be ur shoulder!!! Love ur life stories. Great writer! Don’t worry, be happy. I’m a dork. N e ol hoo… A person like u seems a great time, so no worries about tomorrow, it ruins today’s peace πŸ˜‰ they will find ya πŸ˜‰ hang in

    • People hate the accent, actually. Apparently there is nothing appealing about it. They DO, however, love that I’m from Los Angeles. I don’t even have to name-drop all the celebrities I know. They just love LA.

  2. I moved to California from WV and am going through the same thing. It’s hard to sit with myself sometimes. I try to join clubs, use meetup.com, etc, but it’s just not the same as the deep friendships I’ve had since childhood.

    It’ll get better! Eventually someone will like us! =P

    • You are the second person in two days to recommend meetup.com to me, so now I must try it!

      It’s SO WEIRD making friends as a grown up. I’m realizing if you don’t have the insta-bond of living on a college dorm floor with someone or working closely with people your age, it’s really, really difficult to get settled into friendship. That has been, hands down, the most difficult adjustment of this move.

      Where in California are you? I’m an LA native, so I’ve got lot of childhood friends I could point you to! πŸ™‚

      • I’m actually in San Francisco, and I adore it… But all I can think about is how much more I would adore it if I actually had someone to go to the damn bar with!! πŸ™‚

        This is off topic, and I hope doesn’t cross any of your personal blogging boundaries, but I’ve been quietly following your journey, and I think what you’re doing is great. Genuinely, good for you and the rest of us selfish assholes. I had to do something similar which is how I ended up here. Wonderful guy, will make someone else very happy one day… We just couldn’t go on stunting each other.

      • There are no personal blogging boundaries, my friend. At least not over here. πŸ™‚

        Thank you so much for the support. I’ve been called some nasty things (like selfish, terrible, and crazy – there were people who thought I was actually insane), but I’ve also been told that I am brave and that I should be proud of myself for making choices to better my life. Those are the voices I’ve chosen to listen to because ultimately, that’s how I feel.

        It has been, hands down, the most traumatic period of my entire life, but it has also been so transformative and incredible. I’m happy you made a similar choice. You should be proud. πŸ™‚

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