First things first: yesterday, at 1:12 pm, exactly twenty minutes after Fertile Myrtle sent me an update text letting me know that she “might start pushing soon,” Baby Fiece was born, weighing 6 pounds 12 ounces. So, all of you pregnant women and new moms following her here (or here!) can now totally hate her for the rest of time. Five hours of labor and ten minutes of pushing, apparently. As a childless old crone, that means very little to me, but I know enough to realize Myrtle’s giving me a very skewed perspective on what childbirth is like. My mom’s 36-hour labor with me ended in an emergency c-section, so there’s that.
I went up to the hospital immediately after work and met Baby Fiece, who, at three hours old and less than 7 pounds, was the smallest baby I’ve ever held. Therefore, I was really nervous and careful with her and absolutely did not hold her in one arm while using the other arm to take a photo of myself:
Nope. Not what happened.
She is extremely adorable, and is essentially a carbon copy of her older sister, the Fiece:
Family resemblance always boggles my mind because while my brothers and I all look like white people with faces, we don’t have very much else in common:
I really wanted to thank Fertile Myrtle very much and then take the baby home with me, but unfortunately, there are enough crazy people in the world who have actually attempted such a thing that Baby Fiece had to wear an ankle monitor like she was Lindsay Lohan on house arrest:
The closest I could get the Fiece to her new little sister was this:
She was really interested in soothing the baby when she was crying, but 100% of the rest of the time, Fiece used a stethoscope to make diagnoses and entertained herself by climbing onto hospital beds, only to then pretend to throw herself off of them, giving all the adults in the room panic attacks.
So much love. I am so very happy for you, Myrtle. So very, very happy. Rum and cokes and root beer floats ASAP. (In high school, FM and I used to write a lot of poetry and share our work, which is how I got to be so good at slant rhymes. Cokes//floats!)
In addition, I found out today that LOS ANGELES APPROVED MY RECORDS REQUEST AND I CAN START MY THESIS RESEARCH! (I cannot NOT scream that in all caps. I submitted the request paperwork at the end of January and have been waiting with baited breath for three months. This resolution is HUGE. IT MUST BE YELLED. THIS BLOG IS MY MOUNTAINTOP.)