About two weeks ago, the photographer who took our wedding pictures asked for models for a styled photo shoot and, on a whim, I threw my hat into the ring. (I have been known to be really spontaneous on Facebook.) I am, perhaps, the least photogenic person in the universe, so I figured I would never be chosen. As it turns out, I was selected as one of three “models” in the European/Bohemian wedding shoot and I immediately freaked out.
I was terrified. Terrified. The number of times I have been in front of a professional photographer: twice – for engagement and wedding photos. The number of times I have modeled anything: zero. The amount of confidence I had that I would not totally eff this up: also zero.
I have agonized about this for the past week. I have a very real desire to push myself out of my comfort zone as an adult, because as (an eventually) pimply child, I spent a lot of time setting limits for myself and refusing to participate in activities that put me front and center. Things I quit because I lacked the confidence necessary to do them: dance classes, swimming, sprinting, hurtling, going to the beach, etc. Of all the things I refused to do, being in photos was perhaps hardest line I drew. I was never in them, and if I was, I was making a face. Like this:
If I was making a face in a photo, it was a “bad” photo because I’d done it on purpose. (This just in: I’ve had a lot of issues. Acne is kinda a bitch.)
Therefore, the idea of being the center of attention at a professional photo shoot made me SO ANXIOUS. Especially because I knew other girls were going to be there and we’d have to take the photos in front of other people.
The shoot was today and I am proud to say I had the absolute best time. (Aren’t you all just so glad that I bested my fears of being totally pampered and made to feel gorgeous for an entire day? It was really difficult, but I overcame.) It was so fun. I met a bunch of remarkably awesome people and laughed the whole time.
Not to mention that I got to feel like a superstar, which is nice occasionally, especially because my job involves having five-year-olds cough directly into my eyes on the regular.
In my younger days, I would never have even expressed interest in doing something like this. In my slightly older days, I would have said I would do it and then I would have totally bailed. Now, I am so happy I went for it because it will be an incredible experience to bank in my “Awesome Life Experiences” memory file. If I’ve done anything right in adulthood thus far, it’s that I’ve stopped being so goddamn proud of all the things I haven’t done or previously wouldn’t do.
I am going to continue to do things that make me uncomfortable, regardless of whether or not I feel scared or inadequate, because ultimately, when those experiences are successful, I feel amazing. And I have a lot of catching up to do.
Lastly, please don’t treat me any differently just because I am now a professional beautiful person. I’m still the same girl I always was.
I’ll post actual photos from the shoot as soon as we have access to them. For now, here are some embarrassing selfies I took today: