Top Ten Things I Learned As A Forensic Anthropology Grad Student.

Being the trendspotter that I am, I’ve noticed that two things are fairly popular these days: Top Ten lists and forensics. Luckily for all of you, I can both count to ten and relay some interesting forensic facts. Behold!

The Top Ten Things I Learned As A Forensic Anthropology Grad Student:

10) The only forensic anthropologist dressing like Emily Deschanel on Bones is Emily Deschanel on Bones.

9) Commotio Cordis is a fatal disruption of the heart beat that occurs when the chest is hit by a high-velocity flying object like a baseball. Have fun enjoying baseball!

8) If you are in the habit of taking off your pants when you get home and hanging out in your underwear, you will probably die in your bathroom. No one dies at home fully clothed.

7) The worst place in the universe for there to be a problem with the air conditioning is the basement of a Coroner Department. Trust.

6) Acromegaly. Age of onset: ANYTIME.

5) If you die at home alone, your cats will start to eat you pretty much as soon as they realize you’re not asleep. Your dogs wait a few days. Out of respect, probably.

4) Blood splatter analysis began when an interested party bludgeoned rabbits with axes on white sheets. Dexter is not the first murderer at that rodeo.

3) If you have breast implants, you will never be unidentified.

2) You cannot contract AIDS from skeletal material, even if it scratches you. Crisis averted.

1) If you want to cheat death, don’t ever: drive your car; swim in pools; walk on the street; go to bars; attend hockey games; go splunking; be outside; eat food; drink water; play baseball.

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11 thoughts on “Top Ten Things I Learned As A Forensic Anthropology Grad Student.

      • I swear it! I remember it because her neighbor called worried about her because her groceries had been placed in front of her locked door for several days. I was the thinnest of all the cops, firemen and ems on scene (it was a long time ago) so I had to climb a wall and through a window after an a/c unit was removed. Ever heard of that sort of thing?

      • I’ve heard of people dying propped up by furniture or after falling off beds, which causes their bodies to get “frozen” with their limbs at odd angles while in rigor, and they stay all horribly positioned even after being removed from the scene (and until rigor passes). Maybe she was leaning against a couch or something? Either way, that’s a disturbing story. Things I do not want: to end up on an autopsy table or to be found several days after my death in my own house.

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