Old News.

This just in: Germany is looking for an adventurous female human surrogate for some 30,000 year old Neanderthal DNA.  I hate to disappoint all of you fertile human women who were interested, but I’ve already applied for the position.  I have been dreaming of this moment for years – the time when my intellectual fascination with anthropology would meet my obsession with babies at a perfect crossroads.  A time when I could yell at everyone who balked at my earning both Anthropology Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees while dreaming of eventually having the money and time to have a child, “Guess what, guys?  I am pregnant.  And not just with any stupid human baby.  It’s a (50% human) girl (cooked up in a lab with the help of some DNA from a Homo sapiens sub species from the Ice Age)!”  I might have to work on the wording of that for the announcement.


Baby Thaly, generated with the help of Internet goldmine morphthing.com from the photo of me below and a photo of a Neanderthal facial reconstruction. Isn’t she…something?

Speaking of old things and babies with crows feet, until this past week, I had really only considered my newest self-centered concern in the fleeting moments I’d read about it in Glamour magazine, on the page nestled right between the anti-wrinkle advertisements and the airbrushed photos of the latest celebrity cover girl.  However, I can now safely say that I am a woman with both acne and wrinkles.  There was a glorious time in my early 20s when, with the help of Accutane and hormonal birth control, I managed to have good, healthy-looking skin for about four years and now it is all downhill from here.  Wonderful.  In addition, a friend at work pointed out (and then forcibly removed from my head) my very first gray hair this week.  Oh, youth – it was fun while it lasted.

photo 5

Me, face makeup-free, and so very pimply and shiny. Thanks, Universe!



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