Today was a day of horrifying revelations.
1) Apparently one can get “runner’s toe” (i.e. a deep, painful bruise under the nail bed of a big toe) from wearing a pair of ill-fitting fake black patent leather flats for eight hours at work once. Also, apparently this traumatic injury can kill the toe nail so excruciatingly slowly that one can be three months out from that fateful patent leather flat mishap and casually cross one’s feet on a coffee table and suddenly, accidentally knock said dead toe nail off one’s nail bed and into a 90 degree angle to one’s toe. I’ve seen a lot of disgusting things – I was an anthropology intern at a Coroner’s Department, where I did skeletal analysis on unknown remains – and experiencing the hinging of my big toenail was most definitely one of the more foul things I’ve witnessed. It wasn’t painful – just horrifically disgusting. I’m currently wearing a bandaid over it and hoping it falls off soon so that I can move onto the next glorious stage: having no big toenail on my right foot for the next six to twelve months.
In conclusion, I have runner’s toe, and I have not run consistently for about five years. I wore a pair of $20 shoes to work one day.
2) Apparently something called Hyperemesis Gravidarum exists to further torment pregnant women. I’m predicting we’ll all be hearing much more about this in the weeks to come, as the press hounds poor Kate Middleton for the next six months (and then the next sixty years) of her life.
3) I am terrible at cutting my own bangs and yet I cannot stop.