Revelations

Today was a day of horrifying revelations.

1) Apparently one can get “runner’s toe” (i.e. a deep, painful bruise under the nail bed of a big toe) from wearing a pair of ill-fitting fake black patent leather flats for eight hours at work once.  Also, apparently this traumatic injury can kill the toe nail so excruciatingly slowly that one can be three months out from that fateful patent leather flat mishap and casually cross one’s feet on a coffee table and suddenly, accidentally knock said dead toe nail off one’s nail bed and into a 90 degree angle to one’s toe.  I’ve seen a lot of disgusting things – I was an anthropology intern at a Coroner’s Department, where I did skeletal analysis on unknown remains – and experiencing the hinging of my big toenail was most definitely one of the more foul things I’ve witnessed.  It wasn’t painful – just horrifically disgusting.  I’m currently wearing a bandaid over it and hoping it falls off soon so that I can move onto the next glorious stage: having no big toenail on my right foot for the next six to twelve months.

In conclusion, I have runner’s toe, and I have not run consistently for about five years.  I wore a pair of $20 shoes to work one day.

2) Apparently something called Hyperemesis Gravidarum exists to further torment pregnant women.  I’m predicting we’ll all be hearing much more about this in the weeks to come, as the press hounds poor Kate Middleton for the next six months (and then the next sixty years) of her life.

3) I am terrible at cutting my own bangs and yet I cannot stop.

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3 thoughts on “Revelations

  1. Not going to lie, literally gagged on point one. I am not a fan of toes or feet to begin with and the visual on that. Oh god.

    I am not sure why people want to be princesses, Kate’s bangs actually made the news once. Who wants their shit dissected like that for everyone to see.

    • Haha, I’m sorry! I almost took a photo of it, but used good judgment for once in my life and decided no one would ever want to see it. No one. Ever. I’ve had a lot of relatively harmless but insanely gross things happen to me (cysts, hernias, eye infections, etc.), but this is probably the worst.

      As for being a princess (or anyone in the public eye, really), I’m way too vain to have photos of myself constantly poured over like that. On Sunday, I left my house for the day in a sweatshirt with wet hair and no makeup and my brain probably would have exploded if there was someone from a magazine waiting outside my house to take a photo of me to publish. 🙂

      • Another side of it too, now that she is going to have a baby. EVERY SINGLE PARENTING choice is going to be under the microscope and some how will completely damage her children.

        I am so happy you did not take a pic!!

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