I just had a complete meltdown about my life. I’m hesitant to blame my intense emotional crash on Clomid, because blaming things other than my skin (like, say, my actual behavior) on my hormones has always been something I am loath to do. It feels like a cop out and makes me feel like idiot. However, I haven’t been a downer like this in a long time, so maybe it does have something to do with the medication. It would be the one and only side effect I’ve suffered through these past five days and only just hit me now, at the end of the round, so maybe thank God for small miracles? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am les mis.
I am now 26. I am a thesis away from a master’s degree in Anthropology (technically Forensic Anthropology, making me “master” of archaeology and skeletal trauma analysis) and I already know there are approximately zero more jobs I am qualified for now post-grad school than I was before. In fact, I’ve found I’m actually less employable, because when people see a crazy Master’s on a resume, they immediately assume one of two things: 1) that the Master isn’t in it for the long haul and will eventually bail on the job and it wouldn’t be worth investing in someone who will move on to Master in other things; 2) that I am total weirdo for studying something like dead people and skeletal anatomy. (I worked in the lab at the La Brea Tar Pits for two years, excavating and doing bone reconstruction on Ice Age mammals bones, and that was so incredibly amazing I decided to get pursue it further in school. Verdict: bad call.)
Basically, I’m pretty much an established adult numerically and have been plodding through higher education and/or working for the past eight years and I am essentially no more qualified for anything that I was at 17 when I graduated from high school.
In addition, despite going to a relatively inexpensive grad school (and luckily having escaped undergrad with no debt), I still currently have all the student loan debt I’m willing to incur if what I currently make is the end of the line for me. Unfortunately, I’m beginning to realize that in order to make more than I currently do, I’ll probably have to go back to school for a different degree. I was considering a Master’s in Education for a long time, because ultimately, I would love to teach science in some capacity, but I don’t want to be $60,000 in the hole, attempting to pay it back on a teacher’s salary.
In my ideal world, I would work in museum education or for a children’s science non-profit or at a school in a less insanely expensive part of the country (i.e. not West Los Angeles, which is actually prohibitively expensive) or make more money at the school where I currently am (and really love). However, I feel pretty trapped by my idealist life choices (such as pursuing passionates without considering their real-world value) and that’s hugely upsetting. On the flip side, I feel like a gross cynic when I consider finally just going to law school so that I can have a “practical” degree.
I either need to finally start selling baby clothes on etsy (more on that later!), apply to law school or take my coworker’s advice and remember that I’m only 26 and chill the eff out. (However, she eventually married a millionaire, so my subconscious is rejecting her advice as null.)
I’m going to take a mental health break and crack open the brand new copy of this tome that landed on my doorstep this afternoon.