High Alert.

I spoke to my doctor (again) today and committed to the Provera/Clomid cycle (again).  I’ve had two separate phone tag conversations with her about it this week because my indecisiveness knows no bounds.  On Monday, when I initially called and talked the ear off of the nurse who answered the phone, I was nervous about committing to the process of conceiving.  Today when I called, I was nervous about making our child a mutant.

I am not above admitting that I absolutely google every weird thing that happens to my body.  The last three (non-pregnancy related) Google searches on my phone are “small cyst on arm,” “guillain barre syndrome,” and “red mole.”  I’m a googler.  So, last night I decided do some light research on the Provera/Clomid cycle, simply and honestly because I was curious about when the medications are taken and how they work (and because I’m in the last legs of graduate school and that’s just what I do).  What I stumbled upon, however, was a treasure trove of comment threads about two really stressful things: 1) people who have taken the drugs together for months and months and had no success; and 2) people who have taken Provera to stimulate a period after not getting one naturally (and getting negative pregnancy tests), only to find after they’d taken the full course that they were actually pregnant to begin with.  The medical literature seems to be divided on the risks of taking Provera in early pregnancy: it can either lead to birth defects (namely, hypospadias, which sounds horrifying) or have zero impact whatsoever.  Obviously, this isn’t super helpful information.

My doctor, being a normal person, has advised me to trust in the negative test results I keep getting and start the next Provera cycle.  And that’s what I’ll do tomorrow.  I just cannot shake the feeling that something is up with my body right now.  I’ve also watched entirely too many episodes of “Celebrity Ghost Stories” today and I’m on high alert.

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